College Application

I am not an ordinary applicant. I have had far greater accomplishments then can be imagined. I am no ordinary applicant I say again. I am not subject to the laws of gravity. I have journeyed to the center of the earth. I have read everything known to man. I have swam across not only one ocean but two. I am considered an extremely modest person. I have won the Stanley cup, the Super bowl, the Grey cup, a world series, and was on the first place team at the FIFA world cup. I have only broken one bone. But those things bore me. I am known to be a determined worker. I have built buildings, temples, and pyramids. I have held my breath underwater for more than two minutes. I have broken more world records then can be counted. Every single person in this world has heard of me, I am amazed you haven't contacted me about joining your college. I have been an influence on every humane world leader in the past decade. These momentous feats all happened before I was ten years old. Now I have been around this world for seventeen years. I won a game of risk on my first turn; I have owned all properties in a game of monopoly before anyone else had one. I don't like poetry. I have caught shoplifters, bank robbers and serial killers. I have walked every square foot of North America. I have visited every monument in the known world; I also have been in every significant museum. I have sent whole cities into riots, on one word. I have also ended those riots with a wave of my hand. I am a good leader, I am an extremely fast learner, and I once learned three whole languages in one day. I don't give up on anything, I fell off of a cliff once and instead of just giving up and falling to my death, I used all my strength to grab onto a ledge. I did, and I climbed up its sheer face without breaking a sweat. I may have learned many things but I know there must be more to learn. So I have decided to apply to your school, and if I am not accepted, your school will be shut down.